Saturday, March 28, 2009

A conversation with my Husband tonight...

Lets see if I can remember this conversation correctly... He asked me if I would ever get over the fact that our kid(s) would not be genetically mine. I told him probably not. He didn't understand why. He thinks if we get pregnant and I carry the child that I will feel like it's mine and everything will be fine. I told him it was like this... If you were to lose your arm, but then got a replacement metal arm...wouldn't you always wish you had your real arm. I think after that analogy he understood a little better.

I really hope that once I have a child, I will not think about such things. I don't know anyone who's used donor eggs...let alone gotten a child out of it. Do these feelings ever go away? Will I always wish I had a biological child?

4 comments:

  1. I came via twitter. I have a "bio" child and I have a "donor" child. I wrote this on my blog about the difference I feel between the two:

    I remember how I felt about XBoy when he was a baby as I hold her and stare at her face, wondering who she’ll be some day. It’s different, this love. It’s not as desperate as the love I have for XBoy. It’s not as emotional, but it feels more solid - more steady. My love for XBoy started off like a first-time crush, unforgettable and powerful and fueled by fear of the unknown, while my feelings for ZGirl are like someone who has had their heart broken many times over and then found true love.

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  2. IVF girl, I had a child through an egg donor. I definitely felt a bio-connection in the sense that my blood flowed through her and my body nurtured her though my pregnancy. I would be happy to answer other questions about egg donor.
    My site is Ioninfertility or contact me through my webpage, infertilityrollercoaster.com. I would rather do it in a less public venue.

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  3. wasn't sure if you've come across Tertia's blog yet http://www.tertia.org/
    she also started an egg donor program so there might be something within those web pages that might help http://www.nurture.co.za/

    everything happens for a reason and I guess maybe you could look at it this way.. the egg you will be receiving and ultimatly your own baby, that you will carry and birth.. that is an egg that might never have had a chance to be born...... considering the number of eggs women are born with there are thousands of eggs that will never be "born" but the eggs you will receive you are kind of giving them the gift of life? is that crazy..... I"m kinda rambling but do you get where I'm coming from?

    have you read spirit babies? I haven't read it yet but have heard good things.

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  4. I am also facing POF, although, in the way that I'll likely still have regular periods and not go into Menopause until my mid-forties, but will likely never have my own biological child. I am lucky, in that, my sister will be my donor. When I really think long and hard about it - I think how f-ed up it will be that my niece and my child will actually be half siblings. And that, my sister and my husband's egg and sperm will be the ones doing the horizontal tango, instead of my own.

    Its all very strange to consider, but, I know that my blood will be flowing through that baby's veins, and my body will nourish hers. She will be as much mine as she will be anyone's.

    I'm also a firm believer in nature vs. nurture - which is a touchy conversation for some.

    They will be OURS. I know you will conquer those feelings.

    Hugs, friend.

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