Thursday, March 3, 2011

It's almost been a year...

My son is almost 1. I can't believe how fast the time goes. Why is it when you child turns 1, that people start asking you when you are going to have another? I don't like this question. I have no idea when we will want to try again or when we will even be able to, let alone if it will work.

It's not as simple as having unprotected sex...oh how I wish it were. The thought of doing ALL those fertility shots again depresses me. I have already talked to our fertility clinic about getting the same donor's eggs, so we can have a full sibling. We were able to set aside 8 frozen eggs at $1,000 an egg and when we are ready it's going to be another $8,000!!! This time there will not be a money back option, so if it doesn't work, we are going to be out of money. We were lucky once, I can't see how we'll be lucky again.

Even if I was ready to try again, it's not that simple either. I didn't know that you have to stop breastfeeding before you can try again. Breastfeeding is very important to me because of our situation so we are still breastfeeding. I am actually hoping to continue to for as long as possible. I had envisioned breastfeeding a toddler and a baby. Now baby #2 will just have to wait until my son weans, or I help him wean. Right now, I hope he continues to breastfeed until at least two, but who knows what the future holds.

I still hope that one day my period will come back and I'll get pregnant naturally. I wonder if I will ever stop thinking that. I was hoping that all the new hormones would have "reset" my body into working and I would magically start ovulating. I guess wishful thinking.

I must say before closing this post, that my son is totally worth all the headaches that came with doing IVF. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so grateful for the technology.

Monday, October 11, 2010

It's about tell my sons birth story...

It's been almost 7 months since the birth of my son. It was very traumatic for me and Aden and I'm only just now ready to publish the story.

The following was written while I was still at the hospital recovering. I edited slightly for the timing to be more generic and past tense. Aden was born March 14. We planned for a home birth and this is how it proceeded...

"My water broke on a thurs night, but labor did not progress for almost 24 hours. I had to started antibiotics Friday night. I started having regular contractions that night after using an electric breast pump. I labored at home using the birthing tub a couple of times and the shower. During labor we had to monitor my blood pressure because it kept getting higher and higher.

I think around 3pm Saturday I started crying and couldn't stop. I ended up getting a headache that went away, but a couple hours later came back with each contraction. So with that and the blood pressure, my midwife wanted to go to the hospital, but there were no beds, so I labored longer at home.

I had to moved to the bed (I was in the tub) and eventually I felt like pushing, so I did that for a while. So, I mentioned my water broke before? Well after a 2nd internal exam, my water broke again. Then when we got to the pushing stage, my midwife checked again and said there was ANOTHER bulging bag of water! She broke this one with the hook. All this time, I thought the baby was moving down. I wasn't quite 10 cm yet, so I was pushing too soon. :(

We kept trying different positions to bring the baby down, but my next bp reading was 174/100 and my midwife did not feel comfortable with that. So she called the hospital again and arranges a bed.

We have this crazy mad dash to get everything ready and me in a car. Contractions are every 2-3 minutes and I have to fight the urge to push with all my might. It was the most awful car ride in the world. At this point I am wanting anything to make the pain stop!

They started me on Magnesium Sulfate to bring down the BP and they accessed me. I was 10 cm but the baby was still pretty high. Labor slowed because of the medication, which was good for me because I needed a break. The plan was an epi, so the contractions can bring the baby down and I could rest, but due to some blood results, and maybe the bp, I was not able to have an epi. So, we decide to push the darn baby out!! We pushed or I should say I pushed for over an hour more and they even added a little pitocin to make the contractions stronger. I was bringing the baby down, but I was also doing the pushing with everything I had. They had me hold my breath and push, but I could not do that without pushing from my face. My eyes felt like they were going to bulge out and it was affecting my vision. I was done. My bp went as high as 193/110 or so, and David was pretty scared. I had to stop, I had NOTHING left to give.

We ended up doing a csection, but because of the elevated white blood cells, I could not have a local, I had to go completely under. David could not even be in the room. I couldn't even move my body one bit to get on the operating room table. I literally gave it everything I had...My last thought before going under was that I was never going to wake up. It was terrible. I was laid out like Jesus on the cross.

So, we finally have a baby boy. 9lb. 3oz. But, with the trama of birth, he ended up passing merconium and injesting it. He had to go to Nicu after being born on Sunday at 12:47. He had to have his stomach suctioned and other things monitored. He got some kind of infection, and they had to start antibiotics. He ended up staying in NICU for 6 days.

I was unable to see the baby because of the drugs they gave me to bring my bp down. I had to wait 24 hours, which ended up being more like 30 or so and right when I was finally able to go see him, my pulse ox goes down and they said I can't go. Instead we had to run tests, xray & ct to learn I have a pulmonary embolism. I was able to finally see my baby between tests for 20 min. Up until that point, I had felt nothing! It was like I didn't even have a baby. After they learned what I had, they told me I needed to take blood thinners before I could go see my baby again. So of course, I'm going to start whatever. I'm about to get the drug when I get a call telling me I can't go up, but they could bring the baby down for 5 min. At this point, I am so upset. It was one of the worst days of my life. I was not able to see my baby, and I was also thinking I could die and he would be without a mother. I was briefly told I would not be able to breast feed and that would have been the worst thing by far, since that is all I had left to feel this attachment to my son! Luckily, the Doctor and Lactation woman did their research and told me it was o.k. Thankfully, something went my way.

We eventually got past all this and things got better with a shift change. We were able to go up to the NICU with a Doctor chaperoning/monitoring me.

The next day was way better. We were both still in the hospital separated, but at least we were in the same building. I had been trying to breastfeed with some luck and with some disappointment, but was hopeful it would get easier. The only good part of the hospital birth, was the Lactation consultant that helped me. She was amazing. I got a whole week of support and am still breastfeeding as of today.

We named our son Aden Richard.

I can't imagine anything further from our plan of homebirth than this. It was a crazy/terrible ordeal and I couldn't wait to take that little guy home."

Monday, March 8, 2010

Due date is today and I was diagnosed with Mild Preeclampsia

So we finally reached "THE DAY" and well things are not going so great. I've been on bed rest since Thursday night, because of a BP of 150/100 and some swelling. After today's appointment and a BP of 144/94 and a slight headache for a few days, our midwife wants to induce, starting with Cervadil. If that doesn't work then probably some pitocin. I'm not ready to take that route. I doubt the home birth, I so desperately want, is going to happen and am pretty bummed about it. I'm trying to be o.k. with it, but I just want certain things and I definitely do not want a c-section.

I feel that I've already lost out on having a biological child and I want the natural childbirth with all the natural bonding hormones that comes with it. I want the immediate bonding with my child right after a vaginal birth, that special 1 hour after birth where bonding is super strong. I want to breastfeed immediately. I do not want the baby "taken" from my stomach, then swept away to a nursery, where they will give the baby a bath and whatnot and I will not be able to see him or her for 2 hours. I also do not want our baby to be given a pacifier or to be given a bottle with formula. I want every opportunity to make breast feeding as easy as possible, for that is another way for me to bond naturally with my child. I don't think if this child was my biological child that I would feel this strongly about any of these things. I think they are important, but I don't think I would be so dead set about them and feel like a death if I do not get them.

I want the baby to come when the baby is ready. I'm barely 1 cm dilated, the uterus is posterior and the baby is high, so it seems unlikely that I will progress fast enough at the hospital to avoid the c-section.

I don't know, I wish this didn't need to be so difficult. I wish I didn't need to make these decisions. I wish my life and the baby's life was not in danger.

But on a positive note, I "feel" fine. :) My husband has been working from home and is ready to take off completely when the time comes. He's been waiting on me hand and foot, and is the "get back in bed" police. :)

Hopefully, sometime this week we will have our baby, so my symptoms will subside. If we are lucky, it will be the way we want it to be and if not, hopefully I can wrap my head around a hospital birth and possible c-section.

Monday, November 16, 2009

24 weeks

I know it's been a while, but there really wasn't much to say. Things are going well. I started feeling the baby move about a week and a half ago. It is the strangest feeling. It freaks my husband out, it's really funny. The first time he felt it, he yanked his hand away. It was pretty cute.

I've got a pretty good workout schedule going. I attend a water zumba class & prenatal yoga class on mondays, a regular zumba class Wednesday & Friday, and a longer more relaxed prenatal class on Thursdays. I want to be in as good as shape as I can be. I feel pretty good after all my workouts, so it's been pretty easy to keep up with it. I would have to say the hardest one is getting in that cold pool monday mornings, but once I start dancing in the water, it's all good. The regular zumba classes are fun and its challenging to keep my heart rate under 140, but I manage.

I've put on about 14 pounds so far, and only in the past couple weeks have I really started to show. I kinda like the special attention. Cars stop and let me walk, people hold doors open for me, it's great. Although, I'm not looking forward to the part where strangers want to give me advice and/or touch my belly. I'm not the touchy feely kind of girl.

I cleaned out my drawers this weekend of all my non-maternity clothes to make room for my maternity collection. Which I believe is almost complete, thanks to a gift card to Motherhood Maternity & Gap/Old Navy, a few thrift stores and of course Ebay. I spent $40 on a hugh lot of maternity clothes, which gives me lots of items to work with.

Yesterday, we celebrated our 3 year anniversary and Saturday we are flying to the Dominican Republic for a much needed vacation/baby moon. I'm pretty excited. We only just booked everything. I was beginning to worry that we were not going to be able to take a vacation before the holidays and before the baby.

Dec. 15th, we get to spend 3 weeks with my in-laws, who I love. They are great. I bet we start and finish the baby room while they are here. So far, we haven't made much progress.

Well, I think that catches me up. Another Ultrasound is tomorrow and hopefully, I'll scan all the pics so far and get them up here.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

2nd Trimester...Yeah

I made it to the 2nd trimester!! I was never really sure exactly when it started since different books say different things, but no matter what, I should be in 2nd trimester now. I'm still nauseous and throwing up a bit, but I do think it might be getting better. My weight is still holding at 130, but I suspect that will be short lived. I'm excited to be close to showing and being able to feel the baby kick - I so can't wait.

We had our Nuchal Scan last week and everything turned out great. We got to see our little one again and that was a treat. It was moving quite a bit and even turned upside down on us. The Down Syndrome odds are 1 in 10,000+ and whatever is worse than Downs has the same odds. That was a relief. I shouldn't have been worrying, but now I have peace of mind.

I'm turning 35 in 11 days! I can't believe I'll be 35 when I have this baby. My goal was to have my first child at 25...I'm 10 years off! That is so crazy to me. Oh well, I'm in a better place now and I have the man of my dreams. Not to mention, I got to do a ton of traveling in the last 10 years. :)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Uncomfortable in my own skin...

I'm pregnant with ONE baby. I'm happy...but it's taking it's toll. I am incredibly nauseous everyday ALL DAY long. I've been this way for two weeks. My taste buds have changed and food I loved before tastes awful. I don't know what to eat now. I've been forcing myself to eat, but it is really hard. I spend 90% of my time laying in bed. It gets really bad when I stand for a few minutes and the gagging begins. Luckily, I work from home and am able to work from the bed. I have no idea what I would do if I had a real job I had to get to.

I've tried everything to help with the nausea: ginger ale, chamomile, acupuncture tacks, eating more often. I was practically crying at acupuncture on Wednesday. I need relief. My husband is being great. Humoring me with all my whims. I still get dizzy when I stand up. I also can't rest my arms on my stomach. Weird as that sounds, it just feels uncomfortable. I have to have all body parts not touching each other. I'm also waking up habitually at 4:30AM to use the bathroom. It's like clockwork and its really sucky. It has not been a fun pregnancy.

I'm about to be 8 weeks along and it's going to be a big week! We have our 2nd ultrasound followed with our graduation from Shady Grove. I made an appointment with a Midwife, referred to me by my acupuncturist, turns out we go straight to her after our ultrasound. I'm nervous. I hope I like her. I didn't interview anyone else. I came to the decision that I want a water/home birth. I've actually always wanted a water birth even before the "Business of being Born". I think that is what is going to be best for me. I am a rather shy, anxious girl and think I would be more comfortable in the safety of my home.

Current Weight:128lbs. Lost two pounds since I got pregnant.

Monday, July 6, 2009

2nd Beta = 1901

So far so good. I've told a few people, and I want
to tell more. I suppose, I'm a little fearful of it
being bad luck. I don't need any more bad luck, but I am so excited I want to tell everyone. I've attached our chart from our beta values. Seems pretty high.

I'm glad that things are going so well. The next Beta will be Wednesday and the Sonogram some time next week. I am really looking forward to that to see if there is one baby in there or TWO.

I'm now reading: Feed the Belly. So far, I think it is a cute little book. I can't wait to try some of the recipes. I just read the chapter about all the nutrients I need. It's enough to make me go crazy. I am taking a very expensive ($64/month) prescription prenatal vitamin. It's called Gesticare DHA. My nurse said it was very important and way better than the Flintstones vitamins I was taking before transfer. Anything for a healthy baby or babies.

So far, my symptoms are the same, a tad dizzy sometimes, a little nausea, and some crampy feelings. It's funny, I'm glad I get dizzy, because I know I'm still pregnant. Beats peeing on a stick to see if it's still in there.

I'm having occasional thoughts about the other two women who shared my donor. Did their cycle work? If so, will they have 1 or 2 babies each? I doubt the nurse would tell me if they were successful or not. It's going to be strange knowing that my child may have quite a few (genetic) brothers or sisters out there. The other thought that has crossed both my mind and my husbands is that we overpaid for our successful cycle - since it only took one try. But we are pregnant, so we are happy.