It's about time...to tell my sons birth story...

It's been almost 7 months since the birth of my son. It was very traumatic for me and Aden and I'm only just now ready to publish the story.

The following was written while I was still at the hospital recovering. I edited slightly for the timing to be more generic and past tense. Aden was born March 14. We planned for a home birth and this is how it proceeded...

"My water broke on a thurs night, but labor did not progress for almost 24 hours. I had to started antibiotics Friday night. I started having regular contractions that night after using an electric breast pump. I labored at home using the birthing tub a couple of times and the shower. During labor we had to monitor my blood pressure because it kept getting higher and higher.

I think around 3pm Saturday I started crying and couldn't stop. I ended up getting a headache that went away, but a couple hours later came back with each contraction. So with that and the blood pressure, my midwife wanted to go to the hospital, but there were no beds, so I labored longer at home.

I had to moved to the bed (I was in the tub) and eventually I felt like pushing, so I did that for a while. So, I mentioned my water broke before? Well after a 2nd internal exam, my water broke again. Then when we got to the pushing stage, my midwife checked again and said there was ANOTHER bulging bag of water! She broke this one with the hook. All this time, I thought the baby was moving down. I wasn't quite 10 cm yet, so I was pushing too soon. :(

We kept trying different positions to bring the baby down, but my next bp reading was 174/100 and my midwife did not feel comfortable with that. So she called the hospital again and arranges a bed.

We have this crazy mad dash to get everything ready and me in a car. Contractions are every 2-3 minutes and I have to fight the urge to push with all my might. It was the most awful car ride in the world. At this point I am wanting anything to make the pain stop!

They started me on Magnesium Sulfate to bring down the BP and they accessed me. I was 10 cm but the baby was still pretty high. Labor slowed because of the medication, which was good for me because I needed a break. The plan was an epi, so the contractions can bring the baby down and I could rest, but due to some blood results, and maybe the bp, I was not able to have an epi. So, we decide to push the darn baby out!! We pushed or I should say I pushed for over an hour more and they even added a little pitocin to make the contractions stronger. I was bringing the baby down, but I was also doing the pushing with everything I had. They had me hold my breath and push, but I could not do that without pushing from my face. My eyes felt like they were going to bulge out and it was affecting my vision. I was done. My bp went as high as 193/110 or so, and David was pretty scared. I had to stop, I had NOTHING left to give.

We ended up doing a csection, but because of the elevated white blood cells, I could not have a local, I had to go completely under. David could not even be in the room. I couldn't even move my body one bit to get on the operating room table. I literally gave it everything I had...My last thought before going under was that I was never going to wake up. It was terrible. I was laid out like Jesus on the cross.

So, we finally have a baby boy. 9lb. 3oz. But, with the trama of birth, he ended up passing merconium and injesting it. He had to go to Nicu after being born on Sunday at 12:47. He had to have his stomach suctioned and other things monitored. He got some kind of infection, and they had to start antibiotics. He ended up staying in NICU for 6 days.

I was unable to see the baby because of the drugs they gave me to bring my bp down. I had to wait 24 hours, which ended up being more like 30 or so and right when I was finally able to go see him, my pulse ox goes down and they said I can't go. Instead we had to run tests, xray & ct to learn I have a pulmonary embolism. I was able to finally see my baby between tests for 20 min. Up until that point, I had felt nothing! It was like I didn't even have a baby. After they learned what I had, they told me I needed to take blood thinners before I could go see my baby again. So of course, I'm going to start whatever. I'm about to get the drug when I get a call telling me I can't go up, but they could bring the baby down for 5 min. At this point, I am so upset. It was one of the worst days of my life. I was not able to see my baby, and I was also thinking I could die and he would be without a mother. I was briefly told I would not be able to breast feed and that would have been the worst thing by far, since that is all I had left to feel this attachment to my son! Luckily, the Doctor and Lactation woman did their research and told me it was o.k. Thankfully, something went my way.

We eventually got past all this and things got better with a shift change. We were able to go up to the NICU with a Doctor chaperoning/monitoring me.

The next day was way better. We were both still in the hospital separated, but at least we were in the same building. I had been trying to breastfeed with some luck and with some disappointment, but was hopeful it would get easier. The only good part of the hospital birth, was the Lactation consultant that helped me. She was amazing. I got a whole week of support and am still breastfeeding as of today.

We named our son Aden Richard.

I can't imagine anything further from our plan of homebirth than this. It was a crazy/terrible ordeal and I couldn't wait to take that little guy home."

Due date is today and I was diagnosed with Mild Preeclampsia

So we finally reached "THE DAY" and well things are not going so great. I've been on bed rest since Thursday night, because of a BP of 150/100 and some swelling. After today's appointment and a BP of 144/94 and a slight headache for a few days, our midwife wants to induce, starting with Cervadil. If that doesn't work then probably some pitocin. I'm not ready to take that route. I doubt the home birth, I so desperately want, is going to happen and am pretty bummed about it. I'm trying to be o.k. with it, but I just want certain things and I definitely do not want a c-section.

I feel that I've already lost out on having a biological child and I want the natural childbirth with all the natural bonding hormones that comes with it. I want the immediate bonding with my child right after a vaginal birth, that special 1 hour after birth where bonding is super strong. I want to breastfeed immediately. I do not want the baby "taken" from my stomach, then swept away to a nursery, where they will give the baby a bath and whatnot and I will not be able to see him or her for 2 hours. I also do not want our baby to be given a pacifier or to be given a bottle with formula. I want every opportunity to make breast feeding as easy as possible, for that is another way for me to bond naturally with my child. I don't think if this child was my biological child that I would feel this strongly about any of these things. I think they are important, but I don't think I would be so dead set about them and feel like a death if I do not get them.

I want the baby to come when the baby is ready. I'm barely 1 cm dilated, the uterus is posterior and the baby is high, so it seems unlikely that I will progress fast enough at the hospital to avoid the c-section.

I don't know, I wish this didn't need to be so difficult. I wish I didn't need to make these decisions. I wish my life and the baby's life was not in danger.

But on a positive note, I "feel" fine. :) My husband has been working from home and is ready to take off completely when the time comes. He's been waiting on me hand and foot, and is the "get back in bed" police. :)

Hopefully, sometime this week we will have our baby, so my symptoms will subside. If we are lucky, it will be the way we want it to be and if not, hopefully I can wrap my head around a hospital birth and possible c-section.