Due date is today and I was diagnosed with Mild Preeclampsia

So we finally reached "THE DAY" and well things are not going so great. I've been on bed rest since Thursday night, because of a BP of 150/100 and some swelling. After today's appointment and a BP of 144/94 and a slight headache for a few days, our midwife wants to induce, starting with Cervadil. If that doesn't work then probably some pitocin. I'm not ready to take that route. I doubt the home birth, I so desperately want, is going to happen and am pretty bummed about it. I'm trying to be o.k. with it, but I just want certain things and I definitely do not want a c-section.

I feel that I've already lost out on having a biological child and I want the natural childbirth with all the natural bonding hormones that comes with it. I want the immediate bonding with my child right after a vaginal birth, that special 1 hour after birth where bonding is super strong. I want to breastfeed immediately. I do not want the baby "taken" from my stomach, then swept away to a nursery, where they will give the baby a bath and whatnot and I will not be able to see him or her for 2 hours. I also do not want our baby to be given a pacifier or to be given a bottle with formula. I want every opportunity to make breast feeding as easy as possible, for that is another way for me to bond naturally with my child. I don't think if this child was my biological child that I would feel this strongly about any of these things. I think they are important, but I don't think I would be so dead set about them and feel like a death if I do not get them.

I want the baby to come when the baby is ready. I'm barely 1 cm dilated, the uterus is posterior and the baby is high, so it seems unlikely that I will progress fast enough at the hospital to avoid the c-section.

I don't know, I wish this didn't need to be so difficult. I wish I didn't need to make these decisions. I wish my life and the baby's life was not in danger.

But on a positive note, I "feel" fine. :) My husband has been working from home and is ready to take off completely when the time comes. He's been waiting on me hand and foot, and is the "get back in bed" police. :)

Hopefully, sometime this week we will have our baby, so my symptoms will subside. If we are lucky, it will be the way we want it to be and if not, hopefully I can wrap my head around a hospital birth and possible c-section.